Hmmmmm………Breathe!

I am amazed and scared at how much my mother does not remember. I once heard when children are little you need to tell them something 3 times before they understand. They need time to process the meaning. I always remembered that and practiced it to give my boys ample time to understand my message. My mother can’t remember things from minute to minute much less day to day. She just called me and asked when I was coming over. I told her I could tonight and after a few minutes of discussion I found out she thought it was Saturday, but it is Wednesday. She admitted that she has to look at her phone to know what day it is when she wakes up. At least she has a method to figure that out. We have discussed quite extensively how to use the loan to pay off her debt. She got online to pay her bills and I sat with her. I watched her set up payments for the credit card statements she had received. With these payments, 2 of her credit cards would be paid off in full. I took the check she didn’t know she had to the bank today to deposit it for her ($1800). Later I went to check her account online. We set up those online payments 2 days ago but she changed them yesterday. She cancelled the payments and set up new ones for significantly less. We’re talking $2800 to $250 and $2000 to $166. I was instantly upset. How could she do that? Her debt will never get paid down and what was she planning on doing with all of that money? I was really starting to spin myself up. I called her but she didn’t answer. I called her again and no answer. That was definitely the hand from a higher power. I was not in the right frame of mind to speak with her. Then I started to think about my breath. I slowed down and was breathing more deliberately and deeper. It took a few minutes but I finally calmed down and was very thankful my mother did not answer my calls. I’m confident she has no idea what she is doing and was probably freaked out seeing large payment amounts. I then went in and cancelled her payments and set up the original payments. Then I set up alerts to email myself for various different banking scenarios. If you haven’t done this with your own bank account (and credit cards), I suggest you do so. I was a victim of electronic bank fraud and caught it quickly because I get a text for any purchase over $100. After that I spent time debating on what to say to my mother. I talked to my brother about it and we decided not to say anything. I’ll explain it to her if she asks. I also need to get the Power of Attorney in my hands. I expect negotiating the sale of her condo when we get there will be a challenge.

“Don’t seek, don’t search, don’t ask, don’t knock, don’t demand – relax. If you relax, it comes. If you relax, it is there.”Osho

I really like this quote. You can’t force will. You have to go with the flow and get silent to hear your little voice. One of the best ways to do that is with breath. I’ve been an athlete all of my life. Breathing during exercise is second nature to me. The more you control the breath the less energy you expend. Being a runner and a martial artist, I understood the importance of slowing down my breath and avoiding “panting.” However the breathing in yoga is very different. Asana is a much deeper and intense breath. I actually think it is one of the hardest things about yoga. I’m thankful that I was allowed the chance to breathe and not confront my mother. I have tears in my eyes right now and I’m scared for the next moment she realizes her mental decline. We have a doctor’s appointment on the 30th to see a specialist about vascular dementia…until then I’ll just keep breathing calling on patience wherever I can find it! I didn’t remember this at the time I was calling my mother, but I drew the communication chakra card this morning to acknowledge and bless any hurt or harm caused by my words or silence. Thankfully the universe helped me heed this warning by not having either of my calls answered!