Occasionally we all have “those weeks” when it seems like the universe is working against you. Well I am trying to get out of a few of those right now. I tripped on the sidewalk with my hands in my coat pockets and bruised my ribs and reinjured my wrist. I haven’t worked out in 12 days. That always takes a toll on my mood. My mother’s mental health is seriously declining and we had our first visit regarding assisted living. That went fairly well, but then I learned she hasn’t paid her any of her taxes and can’t even tell me what her monthly income or expenses might be. I’m sure she has racked up quite a bit of credit card debt because she always has a package at her door of new shoes or something like that. To make matters worse I discussed the issue with my brother and we had our own little pity party. My mother never stepped up to help either one of us during college or other tough financial times. However she continually “borrows” from both of us. The week before last she became angry with me and quit talking to me. About 5 days later she called and was all nice to me. Then she asked to borrow $400 to help pay her taxes. I felt very used but gave her the money. Now I know the check has been cashed but the taxes are unpaid. Her townhouse needs to get sold so she can move to a 1 level place with assisted services. I had a realtor by to discuss getting it on the market and updates to make for a quicker sale. So with the help of my partner we will be painting every wall, laying tile and de-cluttering the place. After the visit with the realtor, my mother called me and asked me to go buy a house she could rent! That was an easy “Hell no!” I’m not in a position to do that nor would I ever want to be her landlord. Then I learn my 14 year old son is having “girlfriend” problems. His GF told him she was cutting herself. I was surprised at how well I held my composure while my head was saying “I forbid you to see her again and you are hanging out with me from now on!” It is also amazing how much the weather can impact our moods and attitudes. The single digit weather with below zero wind chills is not improving my attitude either.
Then this morning I drew a third eye chakra card to release my pessimism and dwelling on the negative and renew through the beauty that is present in all circumstance. Hmmm. Then I read an inspirational quote in an email and it hit me right in my heart:
“Love can be hard. Love requires you to be kind when you are angry, patient when you feel anxious, compassionate when you judge others, caring when you fell apathetic, trust when you've been wronged, let go when you want to hold on, know that the other person is you, take risks when you're scared, to always see the lesson and never look back once you've decided.” Jackson Kiddard
Ding! The universe is giving me a surprise pop quiz worth at least 50% of my grade. There have been many lessons for me in the last few weeks. I need to turn my attention to love and let that direct my thoughts and actions.
It’s so easy to get caught up in what we perceive as happening to us. Our ego wants to be the center and we need to realize that love should be our center. Thoughts and actions from love and not ego are the ones that move us forward. I must let go of the idea that I can control and direct the issues with my mother, my son or anyone else. I have to be there in loving support and let past resentments go. Gratitude and compassion are not just adjectives they are virtues.
How do you get past “those weeks” and stay grounded in love, compassion and gratitude?