My Journey of Inspiration Begins
by Heather Kostelnick
I live with daily pain…right in the middle of my back and neck. It is a constant reminder of my humanity and lack of control. I have been practicing yoga and swimming to keep me loose and strong. Recently, I have been learning about intention and letting go. I signed up for a yoga retreat called The Journey of Inspiration by JoyfulBreathYoga.com. I was open and I was ready. I had no idea how learning how to be empty was about to be thrust upon me.
The retreat presented me with an opportunity to learn meditation. During my first time I was prompted to imagine a safe place…a place where I felt comfortable and at home. I immediately knew there would be water there and it would not only comfort me in its beauty but surround me in movement and sound.
I have to admit I didn’t follow the rules because there was supposed to be a locked door that closed me off and I was to be alone. I was in a room, like a bedroom, but there was no door. Actually, one whole wall was gone and it led to wide flat steps. Outside were greenery and a river that moved through it. On the steps was the presence of God in the form of Jesus Christ. He wasn’t looking at me but instead just sat comfortably on those steps. He knew I was there. And I knew He would stay as long as it took.
As I began to chant there was no judgment. No evaluation…just being. In fact, I was forgiven. I worked through a lot of things that I was being led through and I wrote them down after.
Another session that same day I was in Hatha. The familiar card came back to me about forgiving myself and others and letting go and moving on. I received this theme many times before surrounding the heart chakra. This area was speaking to me and I was paying attention.
We were in eagle and were asked to envision this creature as it studied its environment from on high on its perch. I pictured the world from above…the blanket of green with the clouds softly nestled in between; a winding river that didn’t seem to end. It was breathtaking and clear beauty. Then we became the eagle and we took flight. As the eagle flies it begins to see more of what was first seen from its perch. The flowing river became a waterfall on the other side. The vast forest became individual trees that wooshed by. And for the first time I wasn’t concerned about how I looked. I just soared.
Then I saw it…me in my original place earlier meditating, with Jesus. My eyes were closed and I was at peace. Jesus was still faced outward. As I flew closer I saw His face. He was gazing at me. He was not only following me with His eyes, but He was reflecting me. And I reflected Him. It is as if my flight was pure beauty to Him, and He was mesmerized. I wanted to just keep flying. I wanted to bask in His approval. I was grateful. I was actually a little sad when I was brought back and had to come out of eagle.
I noticed during both my first meditation and my eagle experience, I had no pain. I was free. I was strong. I was loved and cherished. I am loved and cherished. Even in my pain.
As I close this day I am hopeful. I am grateful. And I am forgiven. There are so many ideas that have been written down today that came from a place of inspiration. A place that I knew was always there but was not something that I had access to. I have always believed that the Spirit of God lives within me. But I never thought that meant that I had access to it. I simply waited to see what would happen and lived around it. He gave Himself to me so that He could work in me and through me. We are One. He is mine and I am His. Because Jesus loves me so much I can trust in His gazing after me; in His comfort, and in His confidence to inspire me to fly - every day.
As I go home and get back to life I hope I am different. I hope I am changed. I hope I still remain and practice emptying, openness, and readiness. I do think it’s in the hoping that I am now inspired to keep trying. There are bigger things than me out there calling for our attention. He will show me how to love as He loves. My journey continues. The inspiration is in the journey itself.
I give all the glory to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He pursues me. He gazes after me. He is my inspiration so that I want to inspire others, wherever He leads me.